User:Playjex/Egg Rolls?

Egg Rolls? by: Playjex

THIS IS CURRENTLY BEING EDITED BY PLAYJEX. THIS WAS WRITTEN AS A SMALL CHILD. BEWARE, BAD GRAMMAR AHEAD!

Chapter 1: Our Arrivals

There we lay, on the prisoner ship, in which shall determine our fate. We have awoken, to a dream. A stranger explained our duties. Though, we cannot recall the face, of which the words flowed out of like silk. It sounded like a Dunmer, a female Dunmer. When we finally woke into a chaotic world supposedly called "Reality", a man stood to our side. His name, Jiub. We tell him our names, Playjex and Johnny. We explained how we were childhood friends, but also about how we wound up on this cursed prisoner ship. BOOM! We have come to a sudden stop. Jiub’s face is suddenly overwhelmed with joy and happiness. “We have reached… MORROWIND!” he says softly but still, in a scratchy voice.

Chapter 2: New Arrivals

We got off the boat, only to meet a guard named Frederic. He asked us our names, date of birth, and so forth. Then we entered the Census and Excise Office. We got our papers that certified we were now citizens of Morrowind. We then walk out the door, and fresh air overwhelms John and I. Johnny and I, had a few problems with the citizens for we were known as “Outlanders”. We were mugged and lost all of our gold. Since, we now were poor, worthless, bastards, we had nothing else to do but explore roads. We were having a pleasant stroll down a dirt road when we start to hear someone screaming. A muscular man falls out of the sky, right in front of us. He lies motionless, 3 inches in front of our toes. John finds a stick and pokes him in the eye.

“I think he’s dead.” Johnny says.

“No Johnny, he has only been lying on the ground for ten minutes straight to fool us,” I say sarcastically.

Well, we looted the body. He had 200,000 gold in his pocket. He also had two swords, and one robe. John and I fought over the robe. But we later decided to burn it. We sold the two swords, for we already had our swords. Johnny Lucky and I had Natier. Plus we were low on funds. We later found a quick way of transportation. A Silt Strider. A Silt Strider is a huge being, that is over 70 feet tall, and it looks exactly like flee. It has six legs, and can run up to 87 mph. We took the Silt Strider to a little town called Suran.

Chapter 3: Suran

The Silt Strider porter dropped us off. Today, as we took a huge overlook of Suran, then, it began to rain. So we went into a bar named “Desele’s House of Earthly Delights”. We did skooma and moonsugar. From that day on, we have been skooma and moonsugar addicts. Naughty us. We later spent our money on a shop. We opened it up as a general goods store for adventurers and plunderers. The store’s name was now officially called “Trades for Life”. We go a lot of business from that, and we’ve been filthy rich ever since. But for now, we must leave, as we encounter enemies, dangers, frights, friends, and journeys. OFF TO SOLSTHEIM!

Chapter 4: Construction

We took a boat from the fishing village Khuul, to the great island of Solstheim. As we sail across the glatier-filled pothole, I could already sense danger. We got off the boat, and stepped into the Imperial Fort, Fort Frostmouth for identification. Later on, a man proposed a job to us, a job at the East Empire Company. The stranger explained that the company built towns and colonies. His name was Carnius, Carnius Magious. This job was right up our ally, so we joined. Our first quest was to drop off four men (who were miners) at the future construction site of, Raven Rock. At the site, Johnny and I met another man named Falco Galenus. He was our new manager. He told us to find 4 pieces of raw ebony. I found one, Johnny found three. Mission accomplished! We then did quests for the East Empire Company for over 2 years now. Falco was only my manager, but Carnius was my boss. The colony was complete. It had a bar/ inn, a smith, a trader, houses, a mining shaft, and me and Johnny’s estates. My estate was right in front of the icy forest, while John’s was in front of the fine ocean.

Chapter 5: Betrayal

I went back to Fort Frostmouth while John was in Raven Rock’s bar, charming the ladies. I went to Fort Frostmouth to tell Carnius Magius that the colony was fully completed. I walked into his office to report the news, but he was just staring at me. It wasas if he was possessed. He then had a Stahlrim mace in his hands, and charged me with it. Thank Akatosh that I had quick reflexes and whipped out Natier in time. He charged me, and I had the first blow. Natier slit his throat open. He dropped the mace and both hands grasped his throat. I stared at him while he screamed, squirmed, and gagged in treacherous pain. The blood flowed out of his windpipe like a fountain.

He suddenly kicked me lightly. I turned around and took my first step forward to walk away. Then, suddenly, silence flooded the room. It was as silent as the void of Oblivion. I then turned around, to only see… nothing. Only the empty office, with the pool of blood on the floor. Where was Carnius? Did Mehrunes Dagon capture his soul? Did Akatosh summon him? Was he a crazed demon from Sheogorath’s plain? I will never learn the truth.

Chapter 6: News

After the incident, I headed back to Raven Rock. John couldn’t believe the story. But it’s true… it’s true. We then got suspicious, so we hired guards to protect Raven Rock while Johnny and I travel to Dagoth Ur’s lair for interrogation. But hey, what do you know? Frederic winded up to be one of our guards, serving at Raven Rock. It’s a small world.

Chapter 7: Uh Oh

Johnny and I ventured into Red Mountain. We came across very strange creatures. I smelled a wretched stench. It made me vomit, for it was so vulgar and appalling. Then, I saw a corprus stalker. It had to be coming from him, so we ran away. We went into Dagoth Ur’s quarters. We were asking him if he had anything to do with the “Carnius Incident”. He later admitted to possessing him into doing it. He also mentioned what made Carnius disappear. It was that he was fed up with Carnius, so he gave away his soul to Mehrunes Dagon. Suddenly, Ur attacked. It wound up being a 1-hour battle. Johnny was dodging fireballs, while I cowered behind a boulder. But then, I noticed, he was only focusing on Johnny, as if I were never there. So, I snuck up behind Dagoth Ur. I un-sheathed Natier and a silver dagger. I stabbed Dagoth in the back with the dagger and…

Chapter 8: Blood Is Cool but Gets in the Way

…I twisted the Dagger in his spinal chord. I then whisper into his ear “Look at me, LOOK AT ME! I’m the one who did this to you, remember me.” Then Natier happily sliced off his head and the blood splerted into my face. Johnny slowly walked over in terror of what he had just seen. He then stared at the decapitated body, and screamed at it “HOW DO YOU LIKE DEM’ APPLES HUH!?!!!!”

Chapter 9: The Connection

After Johnny and I celebrated our victory, we headed to, the town we hailed from (as outlanders), Seyda Neen. We rented two beds at the local inn. In the middle, of our deep sleep, the Daedric Goddess Azura paid us a little visit. She spoke of Vivec turning corrupt. She told us to go into his palace, and figure out what was going on with him. He then handed us the Palace key. But we were still drunk from last night’s HUGE celebration, so all we were thinking was “What da hell did she just say?”

Chapter 10: Why the Hell Did We Do This?

Still having a slight hangover, we walked through the threshold of Vivec’s palace. While finally inside, Johnny and I hear a heavy, deep panting. Another strange this is, Vivec isn’t even in sight. But out of nowhere, Vivec slashes my leg open with a huge Daedric Claymore. It went in so deep; I could see the veins, bone, cartilage, and nerves hanging out. It disgusted me. As soon as he slashed my leg, he spits in my face as if I was his lap dog. I fall hardly to the damp floor. He screams into my face “HA! NOW YOU HAVE A S****Y LEG!!!!!!!”

Chapter 11: More Legs

While that was all happening, Johnny was casting invisibility spells on himself, so he could not be seen. While I’m on the floor, I feel the adrenaline shoot through my veins. I then pull out my silver dagger and stab Vivec directly in his foot. The blood goes onto my shoulder. It burnt through my clothing like acid. I get back up while still limp. And I scream down at him “HA! NOW YOU HAVE A S****Y LEG TOO!!!!!!!!!!”. The adrenaline rush goes away, which makes me fall to the floor. We are now both tumbling on the wet, cold floor in a fistfight. While this was all going on, this is what was going through Johnny’s mind “I wonder if a bartender would put moonsugar in my eggrolls?”

Chapter 12: Eggrolls?

Johnny looses all of the hangover effects, and is now pumped up in energy. But then loses the energy, and the hangover comes back into full affect. Though Johnny still knows his best friend is in danger. He then un-sheaths Lucky, and pops out of the shadows, and amazingly, literally butchered Vivec into strips of glowing meat. He cuts off Vivec’s hands, legs, feet, arms, head, and then sliced the torso in half horizontally.

“Thanks so much John!!!! I would’ve been dead!” I congratulate him.

He responds with “Great, now where are my eggrolls and skooma latte?!”

“John, what are you talking about?!” I ask confusedly.

Then he responds with “Tom! GIVE ME MY FRIGGIN AKATOSH DAMNED EGGROLLS YOU THIEF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”