|Faction(s)||Mania; Split Citizen; Split Mania; SESplitManiaJzidzosHouse; Wilderness|
J'zidzo (Mania) is a split personality of the original J'zidzo who lives in the settlement of Split. His Dementia counterpart also lives in Split. Unlike his counterpart, he loves jokes and never misses an opportunity to tell one.
J'zidzo starts every day at 8am, wandering around his house and occasionally talking to his partner Atrabhi. He goes out at 10am to stroll around the town for the rest of the day, only taking a break at 11am and 5pm for a two-hour-long meal. As the sun starts to fade, he returns to his house at 8pm to wander around until he goes to bed at 12am.
The only piece of clothing that he possesses is a pair of brown trousers which he is wearing. He also carries with him eight bottles of skooma, a pewter mug and a leveled amount of gold. He prefers telling jokes rather than learning combat techniques and thus he will only use his bare fists during combat.
Arguably the biggest joker in the Isles, J'zidzo spends a lot of his time telling jokes to the Split residents. When someone gets near he will hint at things to come: "I just thought of something funny." When you talk to him, he will express bitterness for his hateful double and attempt a joke: "Know what's funny about having a double? Nothing!" When asked about the demented doubles, he will point you to Horkvir Bear-Arm with: "How many J'zidzos does it take to light a torch? One, dammit! And I'm tired of the other one. Terrible straight man. If you talk to Horkvir, he'll know what can be done. He's a smart one." Ask him about doubles again and he will add: "Why did I cross the road? To avoid the other J'zidzo. That's no joke." When you exit conversation he may say: "Tootle-loo! Ahaha!"
If you choose to help out the demented residents, J'zidzo will almost refrain from telling jokes: "What do you call someone who wants to kill you? Nothing!" Additionally, if you manage to fail the quest, leaving Split in chaos, he will bitterly ask: "What do you call someone who messes everything up?" If, however, you work for the manic residents and manage to kill his double, a new greeting awaits: "Did you hear the one about the Argonian Maid?", although he will never get to the point. When asked about doubles, the ever-joking Khajiit will commend you: "So, I said "Rectum? You killed him!" Great work!" After the quest is successfully completed and all demented citizens are dead, J'zidzo will happily greet you with: "How many J'zidzos can you fit in a breadbox? One! There's only one!" After the Main Quest, he will be a bit more humble. When he sees his Lord, he will say: "That's funny! I just thought I saw Sheogorath!" After the conversation he will say goodbye with: "Hahahaha! You're so funny My Lord! I mean, your presence is intoxicating!"
His Demented counterpart also doesn't like the idea of having a double; he will express more hatred for his double than for you when you first meet him: "I don't like you. I don't like my double even more." He will continue to express his hatred when you ask him about the doubles:"I don't like you, but I hate that other J'zidzo more. Those Manics are crazy. Crazy!" Finally, he will add: "You're still annoying me, but not as much as the other J'zidzo."
At different stages in the Main Quest, J'zidzo will share different jokes and rumors with you and other NPCs:
- Why'd the adventurer walk through the Gates of Madness? To get to the other side!
- What do you get when you cross an adventurer with the Gatekeeper? A dead Gatekeeper!
- So the moral of the story is: don't count your adventurers until they hatch! Ha!
- So the addict says to the whore, "Gimme back my Chalice of Reversal!" Ha ha!
- So the spy says to her, "You're not paranoid if everyone's out to get you!" Ha! Like Syl! Paranoid! Ha!
- So she says, "Is that a Great Torch in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?" Ha!
- So the new duke turns to him and says, "Wrecked him? Damn near killed him!"
- ...and he says, "Eat the Greenmote, drag Thadon. Eat the Greenmote, drag Thadon." Ha!
- Why did the Knights of Order cross the Fringe? No one knows.
- So then Sorceress says to the new Gatekeeper, "But in the morning, you'll still be ugly!"
- Do you know where Sheogorath keeps his armies? In his sleevies! Ah hahaha!
- Knock, knock. Who's there? Not Sheogorath.
- What do you call the time between one victory dance and another? The Jig-lag! Get it?
- The Great Divide: Resolve the "trouble of doubles".
- A total of 12 additional jokes were recorded for J'zidzo, all of them meant to be heard randomly when he greets you. Unfortunately, the quest dialogue always takes precedence so the jokes do not appear in the game:
- "I'm J'zidzo. What has four legs, a tail, and is red in Cyrodiil? A bloody black horse courier. Hahahaha! ... Ahahaha!" (listen)
- "What time is it when a Minotaur sits on your fence? Time to get a new fence! Ahaha!" (listen)
- "A day without sunshine is like... night. Ahahaha!" (listen)
- "Why do wizards write books? Because they're good at spelling! Ahahaha!" (listen)
- "Why did the bandit take a bath? To get a clean getaway! Ahaha!" (listen)
- "Why are pirates, pirates? Because they just Arrrghhh! Oh ho ho ho!" (listen)
- "Did you hear about the two Argonians that walked into a tavern? The second one should have seen it coming. Ahaha!" (listen)
- "What did Sheogorath say to the man who refused to wear pants? "Come to the Shivering Isles, I can clearly see you're nuts!" Ahahahaha!" (listen)
- "Why did Sheogorath measure the Shivering Isles? Because he's the ruler! Ah ho ho ho!" (listen)
- "What do you call a Golden Saint who has his fingers stuck in his ears? Anything you like, he can't hear you. Ahahaha!" (listen)
- "I wouldn't be caught dead with a necrophiliac. Ahaha! On the other hand... you have different fingers. Oh ho ho ho!" (listen)
- "Madgod! I've been collecting jokes for you. I have thousands for you to listen to. Did you hear the one about the Grummite and the Heretic?" (listen)